Monday I go back to work. Im ready to get out of the house and to make some money (as we are going to need a lot in the several months/years to come). I have to say though there was only one day i wanted to hurt Jeremy lol other than that i have truely enjoyed being with him and spending time with him. As i think and dream of having a family my love for jeremy deepens. I can only imagine how much greater my love will be for him after i look into the eyes of our child (hopefully in the next year :) ) I have spent some time looking at cribs, changing tables, bedding, stroller, lots of baby stuff and im amazed at home much baby bedding is. Then i think what if we have twins? Jeremy and i would both like to have twins especially since this may be our only chance. I think about to money we have to pay for fertility treatment and really even though i have no idea how we will come up with the money it seems like just a little stepping stone bc there will be so many much more to buy and spend. Especially when I think about actually paying for the L&D then if i have to go on bed rest. Then that makes me think about my insurance since after 12 weeks if i were off i would be laid off and loss my insurance yeah i could pay cobra but its outrages how high it is plus remember i wouldnt be working if i was on bed rest. Then what if theres complications and my baby(ies) came early and were in the NICU? So many different things to think about and pray about. I know i know i should just focus on getting pregnant right?!?! Right!!! Im just such a planner its hard for me. So I sent my mom the info on the crib abd changer that i really like and its not the most expensive so then my mom tells me well you know the crib that Dexter used (my cousins whos two years younger than me) used, then his brother, then my sister, then my two younger cousins so over the last 22 years 5 kiddos have used but hey mom said its still in good sharp and its wood it goes with anything. I was just like your right i need to prioritize spending money on baby furntiure needs to be one of the last things on my mind then again my mom said well i might keep the baby bed at her house so when we are down there theirs somewhere for our little one to sleep. As we have journed through these past 3 1/2 years its been get pregnant get pregnant now that we know its very likely that we will be pregnant my mind is running 90 to nothing about the future and what all it holds.
On a slightly different note yesterday I had to go back to the GYN for some repeat lab work (everything came bacl good this time) there were like 6 pregnant ladies that came in and i couldnt help but wonder were they able to conceive naturally or not? I know everyone (for the most part) loves there children so very much but i feel like ppl that deal with infertility have a different type of appreciation for there children. So many ppl that are my age or that i graduated with have children and they are beautiful babies. Its hard when im looking at fb and all their profile pics are their little angel face babies. But im very happy for them and truely only want the best. I just am ready, ready to take a step forward ready to become a mom, ready to feel like bond and love between myself and my child that only i will feel.
So monday i go back to work and i bet the time will fly by until Feb 7th when we go back to TFC. Then hopefully April will be here before we know it and the money will be too ;)
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