Last day home

Monday I go back to work. Im ready to get out of the house and to make some money (as we are going to need a lot in the several months/years to come). I have to say though there was only one day i wanted to hurt Jeremy lol other than that i have truely enjoyed being with him and spending time with him. As i think and dream of having a family my love for jeremy deepens. I can only imagine how much greater my love will be for him after i look into the eyes of our child (hopefully in the next year :) ) I have spent some time looking at cribs, changing tables, bedding, stroller, lots of baby stuff and im amazed at home much baby bedding is. Then i think what if we have twins? Jeremy and i would both like to have twins especially since this may be our only chance. I think about to money we have to pay for fertility treatment and really even though i have no idea how we will come up with the money it seems like just a little stepping stone bc there will be so many much more to buy and spend. Especially when I think about actually paying for the L&D then if i have to go on bed rest. Then that makes me think about my insurance since after 12 weeks if i were off i would be laid off and loss my insurance yeah i could pay cobra but its outrages how high it is plus remember i wouldnt be working if i was on bed rest. Then what if theres complications and my baby(ies) came early and were in the NICU? So many different things to think about and pray about. I know i know i should just focus on getting pregnant right?!?! Right!!! Im just such a planner its hard for me. So I sent my mom the info on the crib abd changer that i really like and its not the most expensive so then my mom tells me well you know the crib that Dexter used (my cousins whos two years younger than me) used, then his brother, then my sister, then my two younger cousins so over the last 22 years 5 kiddos have used but hey mom said its still in good sharp and its wood it goes with anything. I was just like your right i need to prioritize spending money on baby furntiure needs to be one of the last things on my mind then again my mom said well i might keep the baby bed at her house so when we are down there theirs somewhere for our little one to sleep. As we have journed through these past 3 1/2 years its been get pregnant get pregnant now that we know its very likely that we will be pregnant my mind is running 90 to nothing about the future and what all it holds.

On a slightly different note yesterday I had to go back to the GYN for some repeat lab work (everything came bacl good this time) there were like 6 pregnant ladies that came in and i couldnt help but wonder were they able to conceive naturally or not? I know everyone (for the most part) loves there children so very much but i feel like ppl that deal with infertility have a different type of appreciation for there children. So many ppl that are my age or that i graduated with have children and they are beautiful babies. Its hard when im looking at fb and all their profile pics are their little angel face babies. But im very happy for them and truely only want the best. I just am ready, ready to take a step forward ready to become a mom, ready to feel like bond and love between myself and my child that only i will feel.

So monday i go back to work and i bet the time will fly by until Feb 7th when we go back to TFC. Then hopefully April will be here before we know it and the money will be too ;)

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First appt

So lets see where to start.....we went to Tulsa Fertility Center (TFC) for our first ferility appt with them. We got there an hour early since we didnt really know where to go we left early. I seriously thought i was going to vomit when we got there i was so anxious/nervous. Anyways we went ahead and went in. As soon as i walked in i was trying to take in the room then i heard familar music playing, they were listening to a christian radio station. We walked up to the front and we were greated by a very friendly lady. I felt then like i started breathing again. The waiting area was very pretty. As i sat there watching multiple women and several comes coming in and out i really realized that fertility is not basis, it not raisist, to doesnt judge on height or weight, or income, or class. As I set there so many thoughts went through my mind. Thankfully we were called back quickly. We met with Dr. Pro in his office. He is so funny and kinda has a mad scientist look. He explained so much to us my brains a little over loaded. He explained my PCOS to Jeremy and I and about being insulin resistant and my weight problems. For the first time i understand why Ive struggled so much with my weight hopefully he will be able to help me a little with this. Also the med metformin he started me on ill cont through the first trimester of my pregnancy this will help bring my risk of miscarrying down to where normal ppl since PCOS raises my risk. Jeremys count was also discussed and he has a few more test (thats all Ill say about that ;) IVF is the direction that we will be heading. We also talked with the IVF lady that handles insurance she is going to call my insurance and let us know exactly how much we will be responsible for except for the meds. We wont know those until we get the list and contact the phar it could be up to 3500! Hopefully not! So we go back tomorrow for some more blood work tomorrow then on the 7th of Feb to lay in stone when we can start IVF. It will either be April or June depending on how much we end up having to pay.

*Heres the deal on the money no matter what we have to pay 1,425 insurance does not cover this amount. If my insurance pays 80/20 then we are looking at about 3,500 plus meds. So hopefully know matter what we can cover this with about 5,000.

Which this sounds small in the scheme of things since it could be right at 15,000!!!! So hopefully we will know soon about the money. In my mind im trying to figure out how we are going to come up with this money!!! The only reason we need to do it soon is due to the cyst on my ovaries and more coming back. They said about 6months from surgery so by July they will probably be coming back.

Thank everyone for your prayers and support!!! Please cont to pray for us as our journey is just really beginning! I will update as soon as i know more concerning everything. :)

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In two days

I cant believe that in less than two days well know which direction we are heading in. There is a wave of emotions running through my head and heart right now. Im so blessed to be traveling this journey with Jeremy even though sometimes i want to strangle him hes awesome and my best friend. Today we went out to natural dam and took pics with my new camera that he bought me for christmas. Its AMAZING!!! I cant wait to take pictures of our children pictures that we will cherish forever. Theres been a few more names we have decided we like. My mom says that shes sure well find more we like and prob wont make a decision till close to the time. But its fun and jeremy and i laugh as we discuss different names. We also hollar the name to see if it flows, write it down, and see what all mean nicknames we could derive from it since kids are mean. As we were riding to my work friday a name popped in my head and i really like it and so does Jeremy........Mallorie jeremys idea was how to spell it since my name ends in ie and figured it would be kewl if our daughters did:) hes so thoughtful lol. Anyways guess ill have to try and be patient. I even bought a book from amazon that ive been reading on my phone about ivf its really good and easy to read but i read so much that it kinda gave me a headache. So im taking a break and what better thing to do for my headache then update my blog.....?

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monday

So our appt at Tulsa is now monday at 9:30. Yes in 3 days well have met our doctor (who i hear is straight to the point and very unique) and have an idea when we could possible start IVF. I cant believe its here. I can remember how i felt a year ago when i found out we couldnt go for a year due to insurance (or Gods hand now looking back). The many times i cried and my heart felt like it was breaking from all this. But now we are looking forward. I cant imagine what all this year will have instore for Jeremy and i. Im nervous and excited, overwhelmed and anxious. I have such a desire to be a mom and i know Jeremys going to be an amazing dad. I am concerned however if the fact that im sick a lot and that ive gained 60lbs in the last year. Im trying really hard to get some weight off but its such a struggle for me. Now that i understand a little more about PCOS I understand more of why i struggle so much with my weight. Ive stopped all cokes and trying to watch my sugar/carbs. I want to be as healthy for my future children, jeremy, and myself as i can. My mind is going so many places right now. Sorry if this blog entry is random with no order but if you know me you know thats normally how I am. So much to think about. Another thing i know this is crazy and premature but i thought i already had my names picked out and now im confused :/ there are certain names that i must include either as first or middle. First being Kreiger if its a boy this is my papaws last name and i always told him i would carry it on. 2nd Benjamin if boy this is after jeremys bf that passed away we would call him Benji. For a girl we would use my middle name Jane. I like the name Pason Jane but when i start to think of it forever i just dont know. Anyways if anyone has any suggestions i could love to hear them :)

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nausea still here

So today was kinda a hard day......im STILL nauseas!!! I know by now this should have disapated but alase it has not. I went back to the MD they ran some blood work they couldnt draw blood out of my left arm bc i have phlebitis in it from the iv i had in the hospital so they drew out of my right well i just dont have very good veins they are small deep and like to roll so they stuck me on the hand over the knuckle can you say OUCH!!! I actually started crying.......by the time i got to the car i was sobing im not tired of not feel well and it always seems like its something. I also felt like they were just kinda like well we dont really know why your still feeling bad :/. So about an hour and a half after i left the office Dana the nurse called me and said they were referring me to a GI specialist bc my ALT was elevated it was 74 normal range 5-33. They asked if i had been taking tylenol with my pain pills which i told them no bc i know my pp have tylenol in them so they were just confused. I also have to go back in tuesday for more blood work. Im a little concerned at why they are already setting up an appt with the GI doc i say wait and see if it goes down great. I also want to see what my level was on my pre op and friday when i was in the hospital. I kinda think its prob just from all the meds they gave me. So im just waiting again as usual. Everytime i think i know what all i have to pay and how to pay it i have another medical bill. Its very frustrating.

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proud of my lil sis

Jr High Homecoming Queen

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movies time

Enjoying the full collection of "love comes softly" that Jeremy bought me last year for my bday. Since i have a lot of time on my hands im enjoying the collection. Thanks Jerm :)

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jeremys song to me

How long has it been.....
Since you laid on the couch?
How long has it been.......
Since you were not so stubborn?
And listened to what your doctor said!!!

I think i like the orginally version better! Gotta love him!

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try the pic again

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PCOS

Here is a picture of a normal ovary (top) and a ovary with affected with PCOS (bottom)

PCOS is now being considered a disease and not just a syndrome. It be believe that between 1 - 15% of women suffer from PCOS. My cousin and I both do. PCOS effects your insulin and it is thought that 30% of women effected by this will be dx with Type II Diabetes by the time they are 40. (Exciting right) ill try to post more info as i learn more about this condition. Heres a quick run down of some of the symptoms and i remember ill put a * by the ones that i suffer from. *irregular or no periods, *weight gain/unable to loss weight, *infertility, *pelvic/abd pain, *multiple benign cyst on ovaries, excessive hair growth, *early onset of periods. I know there are several more but these are the ones that i remember right now.

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Results from Surgery

Thursday they went in to remove a large complex cyst off my right ovary. So the plan was go in remove it and any endo i have. When they got in there they found a very different site. The large complex mass they thought i had was actually two cyst that were pressed up against each other which from the ultrasound presented as one large complex cyst. They found multiple cyst on and in both ovaries. They popped as many as they could. My doctor said that after we have children i need to have them both removed she also said that this was good as far as not having an endo as far as being pregnant i should be able to carry a baby. I am curious how the ferility meds will effect me since they will be over stimulating my ovaries and since i already have multiple cyst. She did say that prob by 6 months the cyst would be back so maybe we can do an ivf transfer before then. My doctor was very excited about me and jerm going to tulsa on the 26th.

So we came home thursday about 4 between 6-7 i started vomitting like projectile. My abd hurt so bad especially since i have three (fresh) incisions. So from then till about 530 friday more i threw up on and off. It was just a bad cycle ii couldnt take the pain meds bc i couldnt eat or keep anything down, therefore i was in a good deal of pain and when i hurt i get nauseas resulting in me throwing up so i would sleep for a little bit then wake up hurting try to reposition and then start vomiting all over again. Jeremy wanted to take me to the hospital at 2 but i thought it would just get better and well it didnt. By the time we got to the hospital i was disorientated and really rehydrated when they drew my labs they were unable to read my potassium level said i was too dehyrated. Never have heard that before. They gave me morphine and zofran several times to try to get my nausea and pain under control and then admitted me to the hospital. I was released this morning after 6 liters of fluids.

Im still really sore which im sure me throwing up didnt help my abd at all. Ive decided not to take the strong pain meds just the motrin. So now im just trying to recover and looking forward to the 26th. Very curious to see what they say.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed with for me and jeremy please continue to keep us in your prayers as this next year is probably going to be life changing.

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My Boys

Thought this was such a cute picture. Jeremy was given a harley hat for choco he was not happy at all. Nothing much going on just thought since i downloaded this app for my blog i would try it out :)

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surgery

So surgery is scheduled for Jan 13. They will remove the complex cyst on my right over and any endometreosis that I have. This is a step forward for Jeremy and I in our fertility process. We were supposed to go to Tulsa today bu were unable to due to the complex cyst so now we will go while I'm off from work. I feel like God is preparing us for IVF this is just another step in our infertility journey. Now just just come up with the money for the ivf. I'm overwhelmed by the thought of us possibly being pregnant at some point this year. I'm excited to see what God has instore for us.

reflection

Where to start......first this year has brought many new and exciting/scary experiances into mine and Jeremys life. Starting in Jan 2010 we were dx with infertility we went through all the testing. In feb we were supposed to go to Arkansas fertility clinic to discuss IVF this fell through when my insurance company said it was preexisting and that I had to wait till jan 2011. However while researching info on AF I came across a blog anf met and amazing women Lisa. She has been such a blessing to me this year and I know she will in this upcoming year. In march we started clomid and I actually ovulated woohoo. In april we did an IUI which was unsuccessful. They told us we should try ivf they thought that was our best option. Also in april I met one of my aunts for the first time. She is a sweet lady and I'm blessed to have Tina as a part of my life now. We moved in may, then june, then aug again. Yes we moved 3 tims in a very short amount of time but hopefully won't be looking at moving anytime soon again. But you never know where God might move us. In sept I had a car wreck I hydroplaned and totaled my car, thankful I was ok and just had an ac seperation in my left should. In nov I had septoplasty and sinus surgery but man I can breath so much better. In nov we also learned that Tulsa Fertility would except my insurance and that our ivf would only be 20% after we met our deductable. Jeremy and I are very excited about this. We scheduled our appt for jan 3. I turned 24 in december. They also found a complex cyst on my right ovary. Then they thought it was cancerous. So the results came back and my level is elevated for my cancer marker but they don't think it actually ovarian cancer. They do however want to remove the complex cyst and any endometriosis that I have however ill have to be off 6 weeks. Yes that sounds crazy. So we had to cancel our Tulsa appt for Jan 3rd until we could resolve this other situation. Also in march jeremy and I celebrated 3 years of marriage and in aug we marked 3 years of trying to conceive. This last year has been full of many ups and down. I've become close friends with two awesome ppl Lisa and Hilary I really appreciate all they have done for me they also give me hope that one day jeremy and I will have a family. So jeremy and I look forward to this upcoming year hopefully we will get this complex cyst removed and them hopefully we able to try at least one round of the ivf. I can't wait to move forward and expand our family. I'm so blessed to have such a great support system from my family to my friends I love you all so very much.