a lot on my mind

So its been almost two months since I've written and a lot of that has to do with not feeling well and working a lot. The clomid has kinda been hard on my system. Also I have reactive hypoglycemia. So I've been having a lot of headaches and a lot of exhaustion. But I know its going to be completely work It in the long run. So here is where we are in our fertility journey: our IUI and clomid round in may resulted in a BPN. Jeremys count was not high after the sperm wash so he has been taking clomid. This will be his last month. At the end of the month he will have another semen analysis. We need his count to be close to 20. Anything below 10 million they don't recommend having the IUI bc its very unlikely that it would be successful. So we go back to the doctor Sept. 2nd to find out what his levels are now. Hopefully they will be much higher. At this appointment the doctor will tell us that either we can try the IUI again with me on the clomid or that it will be best for us to try IVF. If IVF is our option then we will have to wait till Jan due to insurance. We are very blessed that my insurance does cover at least one IVF. They do not pay for frozen embryo transfers though so if it doesn't work then we will have to pay for the other which is about 8000. I'm very nervous about the appointment on the 2nd. It seems like everything will be so final. Also this year has just flown by people who deal with infertility are on a completely different schedule it seems then other people. You basically have your whole month planned out it starts with the day you start your cycle, then 5 days later you start the clomid which is very interesting, then 7 days later you start testing for ovulation (which is kinda weird bc I have to test at work bc ur supposed to test around 11 so that puts me at work), then the next day you have the IUI done, after that you wait your two weeks which of course during this time ur mind and body play tricks on yourself, then after the two weeks either AF comes and u have a BPN or you get a positive if you get a positive then you start on progesterone. If you get AF then you start the cycle all over again. Sigh, its really emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. I have met some amazing people who have success stories and have really been so inspirational to me. Thank you Lisa and Hilary you have truly blessed my life and I thank the Lord for you both. Jeremy and I are very hopeful and excited. We do believe that we will be parents we just don't know when or how. So we have about two weeks before we know anything and for now we pray for our unborn children and look forward to what lives ahead.