looking forward

So I haven't updated in awhile for several reasons I guess. 1st being we have been so busy with having to move again due to our allergies being so bad in the other house :(. 2nd is really just because I haven't known what to write. I haven't really cried in a long time over the infertility but a couple of weeks ago I started crying on a friday night and didn't stop till sunday evening. Its like when the tears started there was no stopping them. So what's all has happened and where are we now...

In the last 3 months I have been on clomid for 2 round with one IUI which was a failure. We have moved out of one duplex, spend many weeks on updated a house and moving in, to having to move out of the house and back into another duplex 1 and a half months later due to health related problems that the house was causing. Also in the last several months I meet my aunt Tina which is my biological fathers sister. She hadn't seen me since I was two due to him giving me up legally but we met and hit it off instantly. Its also amazing how much we look alike and act alike. God has truly blessed me with an amazing family who I cherish very much.

So now we are in the new duplex which isn't new and its kinda like stepping back in time, but hey we can both breathe and that is very important. Jeremy is currently taking clomid for the next 3 months. So in september they will do another analysis to see if his numbers have came up any if they have then I go back on the clomid and we try for the IUI again if not then we wait till Jan and head to Arkansas Fertility. My doctor said that she didn't really think the IUIs would be successful. So it looks like we are looking at a long road. I know everything is in Gods perfect timing but sometimes that just doesn't help me with the pain and emptiness I feel inside. God has blessed me with meeting a few ppl who can help me through this bc they themselves have traveled this road and know how hard it truly is.

Now to the kicker it is sooooo expensive to have all of this done. Each IUI is 300,plus meds. The IVF is 12,000 plus around 3,600 for meds. My insurance doesn't pay for frozen embryo transfers so that is like 8,000 I believe plus the meds again and the storage fees. So I have decided to start selling Mary Kay products. I am not able to get a second job with the job that I have now which I love. So selling MK is something I can do and think I will really enjoy. My aunt Tina I was writing about above sells MK and has for 19 years so she is going to help me and I'm very excited about building that relationship with her and also being able to have money set aside if we end up having to go the IVF route.

Its kinda crazy to me that in september we will find out if we have to go the IVF route and that will also we our 3 year anniversary for trying to conceive. So for now we are just waiting and trying to put some money back since it is going to cost so much. All I can say to that is that a child is priceless and I would pay any amount to be able to have a child and be a mother.