changing directions

I'm feeling much better today. Also now that I'm back on my singular I'm feeling ten times better overall. Still taking it easy. My stomach still a little woozy. So I think Jeremy and I are going to cont. To get more healthy while waiting to get pregnant. There are a couples of things we can do this year to help us so we are going to try them. Its hard I really wanted to go friday and see what they said but I guess that just wasn't in Gods plan for us right now. We are going to try to get our financial situation more under control, try to pay some things off and get some money put back into savings over the course of this next year. Jeremy and I haven't given up our hopes and dreams of having a family. I think we r just going to have to draw closer to the Lord and learn to rely on one another more. I am surprised that this has brought us closer together but it has. My scared to know what our life will be like without children isnlt that normally how life works, u grow up, get married, have a career and then have a family? Not always in that order but still those key things are what every couple looks forward or the most of them. Jeremy and I both have sucha desire to have a family. There are so many other ppl out there with infertility. I have been able to meet some of them and share our struggles. Its crazy what all actually goes into becoming pregnant. If someone didn't believe in God before I would think after trying to get pregnant or becoming pregnant they would. It is truly a miracle. I want to be positive but I am struggling. I want to smile and to feel like everything is going to be ok but there are times when all I can do is cry or scream. But you know that's real life. Real life hurts. God sent his own son to the cross why would I ever think that I would not have to deal with pain or heartache when he himself did. I dnt understand life. I dnt understand why some ppl r able to have children and children when they dnt want them, can't take care of them, or will abuse them when there are so many ppl who pray, hope, and dream everyday of being parents. This blog is a way to share with other ppl real life and express the way I feel even when its not always the "right" way to feel. I pray the Lord gives me the strength to get through this. I know life is not always what we want or expect but it is always in Gods plan.