cont. from previous post

Ok phone acting crazy I was unable to finish post all together. So my moms been here and she's been awesome nothing like a mothers care. She cooked thanksgiving dinner for us and it was great. So hopefully ill be back at work Tuesday Monday I go in to thw the splints removed. They told me I might run a low grade fever and I think I have one right now my face is so flushed. Anyways I'm just taking it easy enjoying the time with my mom.

post surgery

So Wednesday I went in and had septoplasty, removal of the inferior turbinates, some glands removed in nose, and sinuses cleaned out. The anticipation of the surgery and the tpye of pain I was going to experience had me a little anxious. So when I woke up in recovery the pain was horrible they gave me 4 doses of demeral through the IV in the first recovery area. I could hear the nurses talking about needing to get my blood pressure up bc it was 93/30. This made we start to panic a little but I was still so out of it I couldn't really respond. In the second recovery room everything was going good except my nose was burning so bad. The nurse said that was completely normal and that I needed to drink and eat something and she would give me two pain pills. I was trying to drink but even something as simple as sucking on a straw was hurting my nose bc when you suck in it brings your nostrils together. So I didn't get very much down. The nurse comes back in and ask about my pain level and preceeds to tell me that they can't give me anything else for pain but that they can admit me into the hospital for pain control. I was thinking are you seriiously kidding me? Jeremy who is standing beside the bed is like no I don't think that will be necessary . So now I'm thinking well great I'm in all this pain they can't give me anything else and if I needed to go to the hospital jeremy prob won't be all for it. Not that I blame him for that. So anyways I decide to go ahead and try to get dressed the go to the bathroom. So all is well until I come out of the bathroom and sit back in the wheelchair, I seriously thought I was going to pass out and fall right there. I said I need to lay down like right now and that same nurse says well we can put you in a recliner and I said no mam I need to lay back down in the bed right down. I was completely flushed sweating couldn't see straight it was very crazy. So anyways after all that passed we heading back outside to meet jeremy with the car. My in laws had went and got all my meds for me so I didn't have to wait for them to be filled so that was awesome huge thank you to them for that.

So a little bit about the procedure, my septum had more damage then he had thought so they had to remove cartilage from where (going to find out Monday) to rebuild my septum. I had bone and glands removed from my nose. Right now I have these huge plastic splints/packing in the nostrils (yes its painful) they will come out on Monday. We are not able to control my pain very well. I have always had a strong tolerance for pain meds don't asl me why. So anyways I haven't slept for more than about 2 hrs since Tuesday night I just wake up in pain my nose has this constant burning and throbbing sensation. So I can take 1-2 pain pills every 4 hrs, phernergan every 4-6 hrs, nasal spray every hr to break up the dry blood and gunk and then the decongestent afrin every 12 hours. I have 4x4s on the nose to catch any excess bleeding which really hadn't been that bad. I also have a small incision on my nose with a stitch in it.

anxious

So I'm feeling a little anxious and a lot excited! Jan 3rd we are going to Tulsa Fertility Center. Some people had recommened to Jeremy and I that we look into them as well as Arkansas Fertility Clinic. Tulsa is a lot closer to us than AF but imve never been to Tulsa so initionally we had planned to go to AF however when I called they seem to think that my insurance would cover very little if anything at all. At TF they said my insurance would cover 100% after I reach my deductable. So we have an appt with TF Jan 3rd and AF Jan 7th. If we feel really comfortable with TF we will cancel the appt with AF.

Its amazing to me that's its almost been a year now since we started the infertility process even though we had already delt with it for 2 years. Even though I have insurance through my work infertility is considered pre exsisting. Kinda crazy huh. So we were scheduled to go to AF Feb 12th we got a call a couple of days before to tell us that we were going to have to pay everything in cash bc of it being considered pre existing. I was really upset I felt like we had waited so long then for our dreams to just be stopped just like that. So this started our time with blood work, clomid, ovulation kits, IUI. This was very emotional and even trying on our marriage from time to time. So now almost a year later we will be heading to the fertility clinic to hopefully plan when we can start our IVF cycle. WOW it seems crazy that in a little more than a month we will have some answers and some direction to where this next year will lead us. I feel like we are about to open a new chapter in our lives and I couldn't be happier to be sharing all this with Jeremy. All of this has been very hard emotional, physically, spiratually but looking at our marriage now I believe it has only made of stronger. I'm so excited about what all lies ahead. I have an amazing support system; my family by law, by blood, and through the blood. A big thanks to Lisa and Hilary two of my fertility buddies y'all will never know how much your kindness has touch my life, I pray that y'all will cont to travel this journey with me and I won't drive you complete crazy with so many questions! :) for now we just wait until Jan!

*so just a little note I randomly googled some info on twins sinces that is a high possibility with IVF and came across strollers any idea how much it cost?..............................like $600 that's not even with the car seats! All I can say is that I believe if God provides us with the blessing of having twins he will provide the means to care for them :)

my brother

So I must say I love my brother so very much. We talked last night for like 2 hours. He was asking me about how our infertility treatment of going and I explained to him that it is kinda on hold. He was asking me about my insurance saying they are not gonna pay for the treatment just the diagnosis of infertity he says well you know arkansas passed a law that says they have to unless you have an hmo or are self employed. I'm glad I can say my brothers a lawyer ;) anyways so he said I needed to look up the law and see what all went under it to I did. Then I looked up my benefits and from what I read my insurance after a year which will be january it should pay 80% for the IVF innetwork. I can't even explain the joy that fills my heart thinking that this next year we could have IVF and might possibly have our own little miricale. To be honest this is all very scary for me. I wonder can I realy be a mom, will I be a good mom, can jeremy and I really do this? So many questions but I know it will all work out. We have decided on a boy name and a girl name already. Of course these are always subject to change.

So on a slightly different note my friend Lisa, who I came in contact with a year ago in Feb had her little miricale Thursday Dawson Paul. He is absolutely beauiful so many little details and I know there's not two ppl that deserve to be parents more than her and her husband Matt. She has truely been an inspiration for me as I have started traveling down the road of infertility and fertility treatment. I pray that I can help someone who is going through this the many ways she has helped me.

For now we wait as my mom pointed out today only 2 more months till my appointment. WOW! It seems so crazy that in 2 months Jeremy and I find out where this next year might take us. There is a lot of heart break with infertility and there is always a sence of loneliness but I know all of that will be so worth it when I can one day hold my little angle in my arms as I have seen Lisa and matt do this week. The expressions on their faces and their families and friends is priceless.