focusing

I seem to loose focus on the things that are so important. I try to focus on what matters. What's here right now. I'm struggling right now with so many different thoughts and feelings right now. I'm trying to focus on my life. I have a wonderful husband, a great job, a supportive family, a couple of amazing friends,a roof over my head, a mattress to sleep on every night so many things to be thankful for every minute of every day. So I don't know why I have been so down lately. I don't know why it feels like a part of me is broken or why I feel like I'm missing something. Jeremy wants me to be happy and content just being me but I don't know how to be I guess. I'm dreams and goals my whole life have been is to be a wife and mother. I love being a wife. I wish I were a better wife and after being married for 3 years I know that practice makes perfect so I'm planning on continuing learning how to be the wife God created me to be. I have been mad at God. I know I shouldn't be and if when I am that it doesn't change any thing. I don't understand why my papaw has to go through the pain he goes through every day. I don't under heartbreak. I know God has a plan and a purpose for my life and Jeremys. So you would think I would just be able to except that and move forward since God knows what best for me, Right? Wrong I try, I try to pray I just feel so disconnected. I wish I understood why this is so hard for me. I've noticed I get aggravated a lot easier now than before. I'm tired a lot more. Jeremy and I have been fighting a lot more. I know all of this is because I have been unable to let go of these feeling I have these dreams I hold on too so tight. I want to scream at times, but there are no words. I believe that I will get through this. I have too. My marriage is more important to me then anything. God blessed me with an amazing man to walk through this life with and for HIM I have to move pass this and I'm sure in time I will!!!