I haven't posted in a while and I am really not sure where to start and what to say.
I'm amazed by people, people who I love, people who I barely know, just people in general they never seem to really be the way you think they would/should be.
Jeremy and I have made a decision to not be as open about our journey to parenthood.
Everyone seems to have their own opinions which is fine that is their right but I dont think that I have to continue to be polite and listen to them all the time. However, I do feel like if I blog or post about it then I am opening myself up for it so therefore I will not be as open here on my blog or on facebook any longer.
As of right now, we finally feel at home in our house and almost have everything unpacked which after 4 yrs of marriage is amazing! I am about to go back to RN school I will be doing it all online so I am excited/nervous about this task. Jeremy is still the Young Adult Pastor at Summers, Drive the long bus route for the school, subs, and mows yards. He is a very busy man. For me I am still working in Long Term care which I absolutely LOVE. Never thought I would but I do they are like your family you rejoice when they do and cry with them when they do. Right now I am Unit Manager which is basiclly ADON of my end. Our home is basiclly two homes in one so its split. I work with an amazing group of women and I am truly blessed to not only call them my co-workers but my friends :).
Jeremy and I are praying right now about the direction God would have us to go with our journey (which we have been for yrs) but we are just enjoying what we have and each other. We are truly blessed! All I know is that whether I am able to carry a child, adopt, or foster a child I will love that child with all my heart and soul and Jeremy and I will consider ourselves the most blessed people on this earth!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
1st IVF cycle....unsuccessful
Im not even sure where to really begin. Our first IVF cycle started in April and officially ended today with a negative beta (blood pregnancy test).
Many emotions are running through me right now. My heart is broken, its a horrible feeling that i would not wish apon anyone. People who have never delt with infertility dont understand the pain it bares, just like ppl dont understand the lose of a spouse or a close friend if they have never personally went through it. Many people have tried to comfort me with word and i do appreciate the fact that they care but the void i feel is still there at times it feels like its screaming at me. When i first found out that we were not pregnant all i could do was cry, i couldnt compose myself. I didnt want to be so upset but i couldnt control myself. Jeremy of course was the first person i told and the disappointment in his voice made the pain that much worse. As i called the ppl closest to me my family and infertility friends i heart broke into tiny more pieces each time. Today how do i feel, well i know im not ready for another cycle right now, im sure this surprises ppl who know me well since im such a planner but my body cant take it right now. My body is so tired since my car wreck in sep and then my 4 surgeries after that. I think my body, mind, and spirit just need a break right now. Jeremy and i have been trying to have a baby for 3 1/2 years now and right now i think its just time to focus on me and jeremy for a little bit after all if we dont have our marriage then really theres no point in all this, right? So we have decided that we will NOT be in the next cycle but maybe the one around september. We still have our 3 embryos and they are ours and we will def use them!! If that is unsuccessful we will try one more fresh cycle if that is unsuccessful then we move forward to adoption. But let me say this if God were to bring a child into our lives between now and then that needs a loving home jeremy and i would open our arms, hearts, and home to that child and love it as it were our own bc it would be. Adoption is something jeremy and i are very interested in and just pray whatever direction it is that we need to take to have a family is the one we want to take.
Many emotions are running through me right now. My heart is broken, its a horrible feeling that i would not wish apon anyone. People who have never delt with infertility dont understand the pain it bares, just like ppl dont understand the lose of a spouse or a close friend if they have never personally went through it. Many people have tried to comfort me with word and i do appreciate the fact that they care but the void i feel is still there at times it feels like its screaming at me. When i first found out that we were not pregnant all i could do was cry, i couldnt compose myself. I didnt want to be so upset but i couldnt control myself. Jeremy of course was the first person i told and the disappointment in his voice made the pain that much worse. As i called the ppl closest to me my family and infertility friends i heart broke into tiny more pieces each time. Today how do i feel, well i know im not ready for another cycle right now, im sure this surprises ppl who know me well since im such a planner but my body cant take it right now. My body is so tired since my car wreck in sep and then my 4 surgeries after that. I think my body, mind, and spirit just need a break right now. Jeremy and i have been trying to have a baby for 3 1/2 years now and right now i think its just time to focus on me and jeremy for a little bit after all if we dont have our marriage then really theres no point in all this, right? So we have decided that we will NOT be in the next cycle but maybe the one around september. We still have our 3 embryos and they are ours and we will def use them!! If that is unsuccessful we will try one more fresh cycle if that is unsuccessful then we move forward to adoption. But let me say this if God were to bring a child into our lives between now and then that needs a loving home jeremy and i would open our arms, hearts, and home to that child and love it as it were our own bc it would be. Adoption is something jeremy and i are very interested in and just pray whatever direction it is that we need to take to have a family is the one we want to take.
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Saturday, April 23, 2011
update on embroys
This morning we have 7 embroys. They grade them a 4-1. 4 being the best 1 being the worst. We have 4-4, 2-3, and 1-2 1/2. So everything looks great! I wont know about transfer till later. However if its not tomorrow it will be tuesday!
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Thursday, April 21, 2011
retrieval
So today was our egg retrieval.....16 eggs were retrieved!! Wow this is such a great number. Tomorrow morning I will know around 10 how many fertilized. If we had 10 that fertilized that would be awesome! We have been so blessed and i cant help but believe that this will be successful! We are coming to pray for good results :) i havent really had a lot of pain just pressure and headachy. Im also close to hyperstimulating so i have to take an extra pill to try to lower my estrogen level for 30 days. Things are good though so ill update tomorrow plz cont to keep us in ur prayers. We love each and everyone of u!
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
where dreams become reality!
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Saturday, April 16, 2011
heading back to Tulsa day 7
So Jeremys in the shower and im sitting in the chair and we are supposed to be leaving for Tulsa in 2 minutes......yeah that prob not gonna happen. I sure hope the day of retrival and transfer he moves a little faster. But today jeremys got two things working against him 1st hes not a morning person ever and 2nd this is the 2yr ann. Of Ben Jeremys best friend passing away so its a hard day.
Heres how im feeling right now:
Headachey
Really full/bloated
Little more tired than normal
My brains a little cloudy having probs consentrating
So nothing major. I can deal with all this. Last night i went to bed about 8 i was just so tired driving back and forth to tulsa then working is wearing me out and i knew we had to get up early so i went to bed early. Anyways i woke up about midnight hollared at jeremy and asked him if he was coming to bed who had fallen asleep in the chair and right now is still in the shower and its 6:03 anyways moving right along. I had woken up bc i had to pee. I guess i should add that to my list of s/e i have to pee a lot more and i know thats bc i have many growing follicles which hopefully have any growing maturing eggs inside them. So after i went to the bathroom i could not go back to sleep i just kept trying to reposition. It feels like i have a bowling bowl cut in half one half on my right side and the other on my left side. Saying i feel bloated doesnt even describe this. Im not complaining just commenting. :) so im really excited to see what they say today and if they have any idea when retrival will be im thinking end of next week. So ill update after our u\s and b\w.
Jeremy and Kristie Young :)
Heres how im feeling right now:
Headachey
Really full/bloated
Little more tired than normal
My brains a little cloudy having probs consentrating
So nothing major. I can deal with all this. Last night i went to bed about 8 i was just so tired driving back and forth to tulsa then working is wearing me out and i knew we had to get up early so i went to bed early. Anyways i woke up about midnight hollared at jeremy and asked him if he was coming to bed who had fallen asleep in the chair and right now is still in the shower and its 6:03 anyways moving right along. I had woken up bc i had to pee. I guess i should add that to my list of s/e i have to pee a lot more and i know thats bc i have many growing follicles which hopefully have any growing maturing eggs inside them. So after i went to the bathroom i could not go back to sleep i just kept trying to reposition. It feels like i have a bowling bowl cut in half one half on my right side and the other on my left side. Saying i feel bloated doesnt even describe this. Im not complaining just commenting. :) so im really excited to see what they say today and if they have any idea when retrival will be im thinking end of next week. So ill update after our u\s and b\w.
Jeremy and Kristie Young :)
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