1st IVF cycle....unsuccessful

Im not even sure where to really begin. Our first IVF cycle started in April and officially ended today with a negative beta (blood pregnancy test).

Many emotions are running through me right now. My heart is broken, its a horrible feeling that i would not wish apon anyone. People who have never delt with infertility dont understand the pain it bares, just like ppl dont understand the lose of a spouse or a close friend if they have never personally went through it. Many people have tried to comfort me with word and i do appreciate the fact that they care but the void i feel is still there at times it feels like its screaming at me. When i first found out that we were not pregnant all i could do was cry, i couldnt compose myself. I didnt want to be so upset but i couldnt control myself. Jeremy of course was the first person i told and the disappointment in his voice made the pain that much worse. As i called the ppl closest to me my family and infertility friends i heart broke into tiny more pieces each time. Today how do i feel, well i know im not ready for another cycle right now, im sure this surprises ppl who know me well since im such a planner but my body cant take it right now. My body is so tired since my car wreck in sep and then my 4 surgeries after that. I think my body, mind, and spirit just need a break right now. Jeremy and i have been trying to have a baby for 3 1/2 years now and right now i think its just time to focus on me and jeremy for a little bit after all if we dont have our marriage then really theres no point in all this, right? So we have decided that we will NOT be in the next cycle but maybe the one around september. We still have our 3 embryos and they are ours and we will def use them!! If that is unsuccessful we will try one more fresh cycle if that is unsuccessful then we move forward to adoption. But let me say this if God were to bring a child into our lives between now and then that needs a loving home jeremy and i would open our arms, hearts, and home to that child and love it as it were our own bc it would be. Adoption is something jeremy and i are very interested in and just pray whatever direction it is that we need to take to have a family is the one we want to take.

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